from now on my penis is your penis
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
