why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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