wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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