Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
