I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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