you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
