Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
