So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
