come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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