yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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