My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
