Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
soo... how was my night?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
