I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
