imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
