forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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