he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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