I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
