Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
