i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
