After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
