TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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