my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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