Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
