I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My pussy is not your playground.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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