im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
