I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
