i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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