His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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