do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
