And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
