come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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