How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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