she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
