his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
