I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
why does every cop we meet know your name?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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