the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
