How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
well you can't waste a boner
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
