he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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