absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
