This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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