we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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