he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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