How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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