I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
