what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
