I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
