Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize