That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
