She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I came so hard my ears popped.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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