Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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