dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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