i think my tv is drunk
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
