she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
