come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
