How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
do herpes really smell.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
