you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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