Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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