there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
