he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize