Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
