Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
