it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think my moral compass just broke
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
