I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize