TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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