so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize