Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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