Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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