you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
