im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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