porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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