well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
