well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
