I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
