her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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